With no Regrets
by RawrGodzirra
Summary: Sometimes the most illogical decisions make us happiest in the end." Uhura breaks up with Spock. S/U, S/K


_A/N: Yaaay, my first fanfiction! It kinda sucks… but I wrote it in an hour because it was nagging me. And I kind of like it. At least the idea. :D_

_Pairing: Uhura/Spock (somewhat one-sided), Spock/Kirk_

_Summary: "Sometimes, the most illogical decisions make us the happiest in the end." Uhura breaks up with Spock._

**With no Regrets**

**Based off the song: ****Where I Stood**** by Missy Higgins **

_I don't know what I've done,_

_Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And, honey, you know me_

_It's all or none._

If there was anything in this world that Nyota Uhura couldn't stand, it was half-hearted feelings. She hated knowing that she was giving someone everything she could, while they could only manage to give her half of the devotion she so diligently offered.

It seemed, to coin his phrase, "logical" that she had reached this decision. Why should she be the only one putting everything forth for nothing?

No matter how much she argued the validity of her logic, something about it seemed false. Spock must have loved her at least a _little. _And she _loved_ him. Loved him with every portion of her being… but he didn't love her as much.

And that was the problem.

_There were sounds in my head,_

_Little voices whiperin'_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh, and I found myself listenin'_

She was terrified. The irrational, desperate side of her brain screamed at her, "You can change him! The feelings are there, aren't they?" The functioning side her brain always seemed to drown out the former, reminding her that she had learned as a teenager that you could never change someone, no matter how hard you tried.

She wished she hadn't noticed his sidelong glances towards the captain's chair, or more specifically, the man in the chair. She wished she could have overlooked those secret glances as they walked together. She wished she didn't understand the secret meanings hidden behind the prolonged brushing of arms and skin.

Wishing solved nothing though. This decision _would_. It was so illogical it made sense in her mind. That this perfection and stability that was her relationship was only an illusion, and she needed to end it.

'_Cause I don't know who I am,_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand _

_another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

'_Cause he will love you more than I could_

_He who dares to stand where I stood._

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong_

_Or it was right._

_But you ain't leaving without a fight_

_And I think I'm just as torn inside._

It took all that was in her to march down the hallway wither head held high, trying hard to allow confidence to control her.

However, her confidence was slowly fading as she saw the familiar shape in the distance. All the things she had thought before in girly childishness were rushing back to her.

"_He's the one._"

"_You'll be with him forever._"

"_He's perfect for you._"

Well, they were wrong. She was wrong and she was going to fix that.

Still, that didn't change how she felt.

She strode up to him, blatantly ignoring the young ensign that was talking to him, "Commander." She was surprised by how strong her voice sounded.

"Lieutenant." Was the reply, spoken so softly and gently that she almost gave up right then.

She couldn't. Not now. Not when she had finally gathered up every last shred of courage into a neat bundle. She was going to do as she planned, and not even his voice could stop her as it had before.

"W-we need to talk." She hated how she stuttered.

The ensign seemed to realize the severity of the situation, and left quickly. Uhura wished he had stayed.

"What do you need, Nyota?" he asked her, and she almost melted again.

Clenching her fists and taking a deep breath, she began to speak, "We have been seeing each other for a while now, and…" oh, God… what was she going to say?

He looked at her expectantly.

She decided it would be best to choose her words carefully, measuring each on a scale of emotional weight for the most impact.

Funny this whole situation reminded her of an old song that she had like, but being so young when she heard it, she never quite understood the lyrics. Even then, she could only remember the chorus. It seemed so appropriate.

'_Cause I don't know who I am,_

_Who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_Oh, and don't know if I can stand_

_Another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should._

'_Cause she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood._

Well, it would be more of a 'he' in this case. Still… it worked, and the melody playing in her head gave her the slightest bit of courage. She needed every bit she could get.

"Nyota?" he asked again. Another deep breath was taken.

_And I won't be far from where you are_

_If ever you should call._

_You mean more to me than anyone I've ever loved before._

_But you taught me how to trust myself_

_And so I say to you._

_This is what I've gotta do…_

"Spock," she breathed, "I-I've noticed you've been… well. Uhm… what I mean to say is…"

"You are not usually this inarticulate." He pointed out all too appropriately.

"I know." She confessed, "I don't want to do this, but I have to. I love you more than, well… anything. You know I'll always be here."

Here came the hard part.

"I know you love the captain. It's blatantly obvious. I can't stand to be in half-heated relationships." There, she was almost done. Just a few more words, "I'm… breaking up with you."

If the look in his eyes was any indication of what his facial expression would be if he had the habit of showing them, he would have been aghast, "The captain and I share merely a professional relationship." He defended.

Bitterness then kicked in, and she had all she could do to restrain a scoff, "I'm not that naïve."

"Nyota, I—" he started, but Uhura quickly interrupted.

"I'm doing you a favor." The bitterness was fading into sadness.

"Nyota_._"

"I've noticed. I really have, and I'm not angry, really. I feel it would be best if we parted ways.

"_Nyota._"

"Please don't say my name like that." She pleaded.

Spock looked somewhere past her face for a moment, then spoke, "It would be illogical to engage in a relationship with my superior." He stated almost sadly.

Uhura sighed, "That's why you're half-human, I guess. So you can make those illogical decisions once in a while." She offered, than began to walk away, her legs feeling like lead and her eyes stinging, "Sometimes, the most illogical decisions make us the happiest in the end." She said over her shoulder. If she looked at him, she would start crying.

For the next few months, things would be quiet between them. No casual words were exchanged and nothing but curt nods if they passed each other somewhere.

She would see the captain and her former love together all the time now, practically even more inseparable than before, if it were possible. It hurt, but the wound on her heart would eventually scab over and heal, with nothing more than a painless scar that only held painful memories to be recalled on in times of drunken sadness.

She would move on. It just took time.

And despite everything, all the sorrow and tears, she would never regret her final choice. Because one day, she would meet someone who was capable of loving her just as much as she loved him.

'_Cause I don't know who I am,_

_Who I am without you,_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand _

_Another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should._

'_Cause he will love you more than I could_

_He who dares to stand where I stood._

_A/N: I kinda changed the lyrics, as I'm sure you could tell. I changed 'she' to 'he'. Anywhooo… I'm a slash writer, so this wasn't very easy for me. I wanted to make it sort of ambiguous whether they actually got together. Which they did. At least in my mind, and the story makes it seem so… but I really wanted to write them jumping all over each other. _

_Anyway, please review and tell me how I can improve! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome! : D_


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